Today was Allens 12th Birthday...we celebrated at home with us and Patrice, Nick and Gigi...Allen had requested for his Birthday dinner....Penne ala Vodka, and chicken marsala..(nice request for a 12 yo...a budding epicurean : ) to say the least)..I love this kid ...soo much...he is the heart of my heart and the butter on my bisuit....and no words can describe the feeling and love I hold in my heart for him....he is my life!!!! I hope he had a wonderful birthday..I know he was sad at the end..he is a sensitive kid...and he holds things in..but I know him like a book..when he read the card from Patrice and Phil and it said love Uncle Phil, Aunt Patrice, Philip and Nick...I saw him cringe..he didnt say a word then..but when they left..he cried and cried and I cried and cried...I know how much he loved Hope..and how he thinks bout her all the time..like myself......and I guess the reality of not seeing her name on card..hit home...I think bout her a hundred times a day...I hope she knows how much she was loved..Allen went to bed crying for Hope...I told him she is always around him and is watching over him every minute of every day..and is his guardian angel....my heart broke for him....I know he will never forget or never stop loving her...for his whole life....she was such an intergral part of our lives....its almost impossible to still believe she isnt here.....a part of all of our hearts are broken...Happy Birthday Allen..MEMA loves you more than anything or anybody..and Hope is looking down and watching over you..!!! Don't ever forget that....she loves you and always will !!!!